My 2021 in a nutshell: A continuation of last year‘s pursuits.

There is a concept that has been on my mind for much of the year: Tug-of-War. My main athletic hobby, figure skating, is a prime example: It demands its practitioners to be flexible and graceful, yet the act of skating tightens the muscles and shreds the ice surface. Contradictory aspects like this are present in nearly every activity.

In my lifestyle, competing forces have become a central tenet of its design. Weekly ballet and figure skating stress my range of motion, whereas my job encourages me to sit for hours so I can focus on the mental challenges at hand. This counterbalance, despite its drawbacks, has a notable benefit: Nearly all physical activities are better learned with an adept brain, while the mind’s ability to process improves with physical fitness. This year in particular has helped me realize the benefits of a lifestyle that stresses both mind and body.

Figure Skating

I also lost my main coach this year. He took a dangerous fall that led him to retire his 40+ year coaching career and accept a professorship at the University of Wisconsin. I haven’t yet found a new main coach who has the same technical style and decades of teaching experience, but I have been enjoying lessons from the various available instructors and accruing the different ways to think about skating that comes from experiencing multiple teaching styles.

On the plus side, I finally found a solution for the bunions and foot pains I had been experiencing last year: Custom-fitted Aura Skates.

• 

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The finest skates I have ever worn.

I also switched from Mondor socks to Statera socks, which actually feel like a skating sock compared to the “thin with no support” experience of the Mondors. All my skating equipment woes have been resolved now.

Digital Creations

True to last year’s decision, I have mostly ceased working on short-term projects. I still believe it is psychologically beneficial to do them periodically, but I have not yet found a good cadence. This year I only worked on one.

Short Term

Mafia Food Wars

Shortly after hosting the GameDev.tv 2021 Game Jam, I teamed up with two of its participants to create this game in one week for the first Boundless Game Jam. I wrote a postmortem, so I won’t go into detail about my experience here.

Regarding timeframe, 1-2 weeks is a great scope for me to learn a few new things without needing to make a complex project plan, so my future short-term endeavors will likely be similar to this one.

Long Term

Illine

I retired Illine this year, but I am proud of what I made and the skills I learned. I wrote a separate postmortem, so I will not go into the details, but I look forward to continuing my open world studies at a later point. Most of next year will be focused on Pretender (below), but I am eager to begin learning the intricacies of Unity HDRP once it is out of preview.

Slipspace

The model I commissioned last year is now finished, but I realized halfway through the process that it would be unsuitable for the top-down space shooter I had in mind. I need something simpler, otherwise there will be too many small details that create noise. I still would like to pursue this project someday, but for now I am putting it to rest. Perhaps in the future I will commission a low-poly version of the above ship, because I do like its design and animations.

Pretender

Despite being an avid fan of playing physical board games for years, it never occurred to me to make one of my own until recently. Right now the project is in the pre-production phase, but it will be multiplayer and combine the mechanics of loadouts (from games like Call of Duty), tableau building, dudes on a map, and hidden selection combat. Stay tuned.

Zems

I’ve deviated from the concept shown in last year’s post. Most of the changes are for gameplay purposes, such as needing the gameplay field to have a flat instead of curved perspective. The grass/moss have been a particularly challenging aspect I still need to work out. However, I like the direction this is going and am confident I will finish the level design in 2022.

Coding-wise, there is no work going on since Pretender is top priority. However, given that I plan to rewrite Zems using a new architecture anyway, Pretender will lay the groundwork for the eventual re-launch.

Health and Fitness

My diet hasn’t changed much since last year. I’m still a big fan of poke, frequenting between Poke House ATX and Me So Poke. I’ve also started eating a lot of Peruvian from Inka Chicken, which is the best new restaurant I’ve discovered in Austin this year.

One of the services I tried this year was StretchLab. After 9 months, I concluded it is better for maintenance than actually developing flexibility unless you are just starting out. The most useful parts of StretchLab are the various stretches they do (which you can also do on your own with a partner) and the tools they expose you to, such as the Hip Hook (see below). Most of my flexibility gains have come from periodically stretching every day, though a good amount of my routine does come from the movements they showed me.

My weekly schedule currently looks like this:

• 2-3 ice skating sessions, each lasting around 2 hours. 1 private lesson roughly every two weeks.
• 2 workouts with my personal trainer that involve strength training, off-ice jumping, and stretching.
• 1 off-ice private lesson, which includes stretchy poses.

I can’t do the splits yet, but I have gotten more flexible than I ever have been.

Massage Gun

I mentioned it last year and I’m going to mention it again this year: Massage guns are the real deal. I use mine almost daily.

Hip Hook

I have tight hip flexors from years of sitting down. The Hip Hook was suggested by my StretchLab flexologist to help loosen them up. I have not had it long enough to provide a verdict yet, but I do feel a release of muscle tension when I use it.

Entertainment Favorites

I watched 30 new movies, 3 new shows, and fully played 9 new video games and 32 new board games this year.

Movie

I haven’t seen a mainstream movie depict Chinese culture this well since Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon in 2000. While there are many great Asian action films that release every year, most are targeted toward niche audiences. Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings is a film with cultural significance for the modern generation.

Song

This orchestral masterpiece is the lead song for the third chapter of Thomas Bergerson‘s Humanity series. Art for art’s sake, as opposed to being driven by profit, is the purest form of artistic expression there is.

Show

Though the series as a whole starts off a bit cheesy, The Expanse has become the best Sci-Fi TV show I have ever seen. In Season 5, the entire spectrum of human emotions is portrayed, and there are far too many themes for me to even begin to discuss here.

Novel

I suspect that God’s plan, whatever it is, works on a scale too large to admit our mortal tribulations; that in a single lifetime, accidents and happenstance determine more than we care to admit; and that the best we can do is to try to align ourselves with what we feel is right and construct some meaning out of our confusion, and with grace and nerve play at each moment the hand that we’re dealt.

What I was quickly discovering about the presidency was that no problem that landed on my desk, foreign or domestic, had a clean, 100 percent solution. If it had, someone else down the chain of command would have solved it already. Instead, I was constantly dealing with probabilities: a 70 percent chance, say, that a decision to do nothing would end in disaster; a 55 percent chance that this approach versus that one might solve the problem (with a 0 percent chance that it would work out exactly as intended); a 30 percent chance that whatever we chose wouldn’t work at all, along with a 15 percent chance that it would make the problem worse.

I found myself imagining what America might look like if we could rally the country so that our government brought the same level of expertise and determination to educating our children or housing the homeless as it had to getting bin Laden; if we could apply the same persistence and resources to reducing poverty or curbing greenhouse gases or making sure every family had access to decent day care. I knew that even my own staff would dismiss these notions as utopian. And the fact that this was the case, the fact that we could no longer imagine uniting the country around anything other than thwarting attacks and defeating external enemies, I took as a measure of how far my presidency still fell short of what I wanted it to be – and how much work I had left to do.

Barack Obama’s first presidential memoir is one of the finest books I have ever read. Sociologically, culturally, and historically significant, it is one of the few memoirs actually written by a former president as opposed to ghostwritten, and it doesn’t disappoint.

Video Game

“My friend, we failed at so many things. Let us also fail at making a video game.”
– The origin story behind ZA/UM, the studio that created Disco Elysium.

As someone who once ran an indie games startup, small studios hold a special place in my heart. The founders of ZA/UM are ambitious individuals who failed at every endeavor they tried in life… until now. Disco Elysium is a hilarious, philosophical, deeply introspective game that I recommend to everyone.

Board Game

This game started the Legacy Board Game genre, and it did not disappoint. Some of the finest moments I’ve ever experienced in co-op board gaming occurred in my run-through of Pandemic Legacy: Season 1.

Travel

Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, I only traveled to two places this year.

Albuquerque, New Mexico

I went to Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta 2021, the largest hot air balloon event in the United States, with my girlfriend in October. My favorite balloons were the special shapes.

San Diego, California

My work team had our annual gathering this year in downtown San Diego. It had been 7 years since I last visited California, and this was my first time staying in SoCal.

Financial Strategy

The very principles of economics suggest that scarcity, validity, and demand can transform anything, even a stone, into a Store-of-Value (SoV). Such an event will happen only once in an era and we are extremely fortunate to be witnessing the birth of a new type of SoV, the Crypto.

― Mohith Agadi

I made two major changes to my financial outlook this year: I refinanced my car to a lower interest rate and rebalanced my non-retirement portfolio from mostly stocks to cryptocurrencies. While I don’t believe cryptocurrencies will remain unregulated for long, as a programmer I believe blockchain technology is most certainly the future of transactions. I am thankful to live in a time where I can witness the birth of what is likely the next revolution in tech and invest early into its major players.

Dating

I’ve never been a fan of dating apps. However, because of the pandemic, I figured there was no better time to use one. After trying a few, I settled on Hinge, and soon thereafter started a relationship. So far things are going well, and I’m even starting to reevaluate my biases against the apps.

The Next Mountain

The inventor had given them wonderful things – machines for grinding corn, weaving cloth, and countless others. The townspeople loved him. But he was getting old, so he decided his last work would be a very special kind of machine. This one would not be for moving or heating or calculating, but for making happiness itself.

The townspeople didn’t understand, but they trusted him. He’d never let them down before. So the Inventor retreated into his house and worked.

Years passed. At first the townspeople waited patiently. Then they doubted. Then they became angry.

“Where is it?” they asked.

“It’s taking too long.”

“He’s tricking us.”

But just as the mob arrived at his place, the doors opened and the Inventor came out. “It’s finished!” he declared. The mob quieted for a moment and he led them inside.

Inside there was no great engine – only a roomful of tables littered with cards, booklets, and tiny pieces of wood.

“Where is it?” asked the leader of the mob. “Where is the machine of happiness?”

“It is here,” said the Inventor, motioning to the dice, rulebooks, and game boards. “Have a seat, and let’s play.”

– Abridged version of a story originally by Tynan Sylvester

My first venture after graduating college was starting a business to develop an online card game I had been planning for years. That startup failed because we ran out of money and failed to raise more in a Kickstarter campaign. Since then I have moved on to work professionally in the traditional software industry while producing single player games on my own as a hobbyist. However, one challenge I still have yet to overcome is publishing a multiplayer game.

Compared to single-player where one can build the app and test it on the target platforms, a multiplayer game is not a single app but instead a combination of multiple. At minimum, there is the authoritative server, matchmaking system, database of player and game data, and game client. This level of complexity is something I enjoy working with in my day job, but developing each component on my own is a feat I have not accomplished yet. As I move into my 30s, one of my goals is to finally publish a multiplayer game.

Legacy

When most people think of their legacy, they think of what they will leave behind after they pass away. In my moments of retrospection, I often find myself thinking about how my past actions have shaped my mindset, which in turn has shaped my future. As I move into my thirties, the most life-changing realization of my twenties has been accepting that my childhood has biased me to think in a certain way and that I should aggressively try things I haven’t done before, even if I don’t think I will enjoy them.

I did not discover my love for figure skating until I was 27 and decided to go to a rink with a friend. That event has since led me to a lifestyle balancing dance, flexibility, strength, and endurance, not to mention being in the best shape of my life. I can only imagine where I would be if I continued focusing on “things I enjoy and am good at.”

As this third decade of my life wraps up, I have concluded that actively unlearning is the most important and powerful journey one can pursue in their twenties. While I won’t be entering my thirties free of limiting mindsets, I am more fulfilled and confident than I have ever been. I look forward to what the next decade holds.

If twenty seven was the age I threw myself into the world, then twenty eight was when I chose my paths to focus. COVID-19 shut down my social activities early in the year, but I was beginning to feel overburdened from my widespread engagements anyway.

I’ve learned in life there are numerous activities we discover ourselves enjoying, but not all of them provide the same fulfillment. For example, some of us prioritize physical touch while others relish the feeling of total freedom. Naturally, the former will find partner dancing to be the ideal hobby whereas the latter will seek figure skating, gymnastics, etc.

I am the latter.

When the pandemic struck and lockdowns began, I spent a week of internal deliberation. I predicted we would be in lockdown through the end of 2021. Even with two vaccines in distribution now, I still stand by that prediction. I don’t have two years of my life to spend waiting, so I quit West Coast Swing and volleyball to focus on figure skating.

Figure Skating / Inline Skating

I don’t call myself a figure skater yet. I refuse to give myself that title until I am skilled enough to enter freestyle practice sessions. I honestly struggle with learning this sport. But I love it so much I don’t want to quit.

When COVID-19 struck the US, I panicked. Every place began shutting down, and my intuition told me I needed to either find a solution or give up skating like my other social activities. I spent six hours one evening doing research before I discovered Off-Ice Skates, a UK company that makes inlines designed to imitate the feel of figure skates. I immediately booked an order with expedited shipping. Just a few days after my skates got mailed, the UK stopped all exports to the US. Whew, close timing!

Off-Ice Skates enabled me to utilize the tennis court in my apartment complex for practice while the rink was closed. By the time the rink reopened (mid-June) with limited capacity, I had progressed both in my forward edges and comfort skating backward.

Bunionettes (Tailor’s Bunions)

I have them now. More than half of all skaters have either bunions or bunionettes due to the beating our feet take. I’ve started wearing toe spacers and bunion pads all the time to hopefully prevent further development. My skates are also punched out to give more room.

The Process of Adult Learning (Neuroplasticity)

I spend a lot of my free time thinking about processes. The greatest piece of advice ever given to me was, “If you change your process, you will change your outcome.” I attribute a lot of my figure skating improvements to changes in how I approach practice. However, there is a lot each of us can do outside practice to improve our ability to learn. The following is not limited to skating, but for increasing our learning capabilities as a whole.

To improve in any skill, we have to build new neural networks or strengthen existing ones. The recent field neuroplasticity studies how circuits in the brain are constructed and strengthened over time. Brain studies say the reason learning is more difficult as an adult is because the brain tries to be as efficient as possible. When we are children, we don’t have many circuits and therefore learning is easier. As an adult, the brain will do its best to utilize existing networks instead of trying to build new ones.

How do we improve neuroplasticity? Based on current research, all of the following have compounding effects with each other:

• Getting sufficient sleep and hydration. Both are often neglected. Really, go drink some water right now.
• Eating a strong diet with plenty of nutrients (lots of veggies!), especially foods rich with omega-3 fatty acids like eggs and fish.
• Frequent exposure to ‘enriched environments’ that demand focus and constantly challenge us. It’s easier to build new pathways if our brains are frequently doing so.
• Intermittent fasting. We athletes have to be careful about when we do this though.
• Learning a musical instrument, new language, or anything that forces our brains to build lots of new circuits.
• Doing things with the non-dominant hand. For example, brushing teeth with the left hand when right-handed.
• Reading fiction. I found this one surprising as many people I know tend to read non-fiction, but apparently there are greater benefits for reading fiction because of the higher creative processing involved.

It’s possible to do all of these while living a figure skater lifestyle. The only item I don’t currently do is anything music-related. At some point I would like to learn how to sing, I just haven’t found a strong enough reason to pursue that yet.

Digital Creations

I spent the first half of 2020 focused on one at a time. In July, I switched gears and fully embraced my hobbyist nature: Instead of focusing on a single small project until completion, I began shifting my time between large projects. The result is I published works at a good pace for the first 6 months then seemingly disappeared. Most of my large projects won’t be released for years, but I’m certain to be more proud of them. I’ll still work on small projects in the future, it’s just that now my main focus will be on larger-scale productions.

Short-Term

These are either single works or entries to an event.

Tell a Fairy Tale

This was my team’s entry to Ludum Dare 46, a weekend event to make a game prototype in 72 hours. I’m not proud of this entry – it’s very buggy compared to Heart of the Grove – but I don’t hate it. I’ve written a separate postmortem about my experience.

Momentus Prototype

I’ve always wanted to play a Superhot-inspired shooter in 2D. In May 2020, I hosted the GameDev.tv Community Jam and for my entry, produced this basic prototype. The source is on GitHub.

3D Modeling & Animation

This will be the last year I model everything from hand. I intend to primarily kitbash moving forward, going for more complex works where most of the hours are spent on integration and composition.

Long-Term

Illine

Creating Viviid last year was a mix of learning and frustration. The foundation of an environment is the base terrain, and unfortunately I learned the hard way why most environment artists use specialized tools. This year I decided to delve into World Creator to streamline the terrain creation part of my workflow, and it helped immensely.

Illine is not yet complete, but the above pictures show its current state as of year’s end. I intend to finish it in 2021, then move on to creating more worlds because it’s fun. I enjoy making islands, and as I continue to create new environments, eventually I will be able to combine them together into a single large world and maybe turn it into a game in ten years. We’ll see.

Slipspace

One of my earliest projects was a 2D space shooter. I abandoned it for various reasons, but a top-down space shooter is still something I want to publish someday. This year, I refrained from doing programming work for long-term projects I couldn’t fully commit to, so I focused on the asset side instead. What I have in mind for the reboot is a biomechanical ship with several configurations the player can transform between in real-time. For this I teamed up with the incredible Igor Puskaric, who created what you see in the video.

Zems

Zems is my longest-running project. I still get emails from players who participated in the 2015 public test asking if the project is still in development. The combination of game mechanics that comprise this project’s design is something special.

Like with most projects this year, I’ve sidelined programming work and focused on the artistic (card illustrations and level design) elements instead. This is for two main reasons:

• Unity has changed its fundamental rendering paths, splitting into two major pipelines. Both are currently in heavy feature development and stability testing. My artistic work uses the heavily experimental (read: Buggy) HDRP, which should eventually be stable once I’m ready to sink money into development again.
• The studio I contracted for the backend multiplayer architecture in 2015 has not failed (like my startup) and has even taken on contract work to create card games for other clients. Their experience creating multiplayer card games greatly exceeds my own, so there is no reason for me to drive the programming whenever I kick off development again.

As for when I will begin production again, I’m not sure. As a hobbyist I don’t feel the same pressures I did running the startup. I have time to create more art, build wealth, and play life safer until I feel the technology and workflow are much better.

Health & Fitness

I started ballet this year, which was spurred by my figure skating aspirations. The physical activities I do each week are:

• 3-4 ice skating sessions, each lasting around 2 hours.
• 3 workouts with my personal trainer, each lasting around 30-45 minutes.
• 1 ballet private lesson, lasting around 1.5 hours.

One of my skating goals is to execute an illusion spin, which means I need to get close to doing the splits. I’m working on my flexibility but not focusing intensely on it. Naturally it should improve as I continue to do stretching exercises over time.

Rationing

I hardly cook anymore. I mostly get takeout and my favorite dish is still poke.

I changed a food habit this year. Instead of eating until I feel full and saving the rest, I ration the dish beforehand. This adds consistency to the amount my stomach has to process at a time while also making me a bit hungrier throughout the day. Sometimes I snack on fruits instead of eating a meal, which could be unhealthy. I’m not a nutritionist, so I’m still experimenting and trying to figure out the best eating patterns for my skating regimen. I really do need to talk to a sports nutritionist though.

Massage Gun

Massage Guns are the real deal. Right now they are primarily used by elite athletes, but they do an amazing job of relaxing or waking up muscles (depending on setting) in 15 – 45 seconds of application. I personally use them before warming up since cold stretching muscles runs the risk of injury. I imagine in a decade every athlete will be using one of these, and in two decades, probably everyone. It is said frequent massages improve life expectancy, so I would bet daily use of massage guns likely have the same effect.

Cooking

I don’t cook anymore unless I have a reason to. In Q3, I wanted to have funds to invest on a few high-risk stocks so I spent a few months cycling through my favorites. None of these dishes are new to me, but they taste amazing as always.

This is the first year I’ve used grocery delivery services. The main issue with them is consistency. For example, I will order chicken breasts but sometimes get thighs. It’s usually not a problem since I can adapt the meal. Plus, most groceries are perishable, so I often receive a full refund but still get to keep the items. This year, I received over $100 worth of free chicken because I was delivered the wrong kind.

Entertainment Favorites

COVID-19 shut down movie theaters and postponed most releases so for the first year in my life, I watched more shows than films.

Movie

“Down to Gehenna or up to the Throne, He travels the fastest who travels alone.”

Operation Alberich was a planned German tactic in World War I in which German forces would retreat to the Hindenburg Line where masses of artillery were positioned to decimate allied troops that might give chase. 1917 is a movie about a pair of soldiers sent to deliver an urgent message through abandoned territory to the Second Battalion of the Devonshire Regiment, which was originally ordered to chase the German forces on retreat. It is an artsy war story with a deeply human touch.

Song

Technically released in 2018, I first heard this at a West Coast Swing social at Go Dance before the lockdowns.

Show

Recommended by a friend I met at Austin Blues Party before COVID-19 shut everything down, The Good Place surprised me in its presentation of philosophy and ethics within a plot filled with twists and turns. I recommend it to all who ponder the human condition.

Another show I watched this year worth mentioning is The Americans, which really is as good as people say.

Novel

Dying was easy. Living was so much harder—that was the most important lesson Altan had ever taught her.

“I don’t understand.” Rin couldn’t put her discomfort into words. She could barely breathe. “I don’t know why-“
“I do,” Daji said. “It’s realizing that the future doesn’t include you.”

She saw it in a flash of utter clarity. She knew what she had to do. The only path, the only way forward. And what a familiar path it was. It was so obvious now. The world was a dream of the gods, and the gods dreamed in sequences, in symmetry, in patterns. History repeated itself, and she was only the latest iteration of the same scene in a tapestry that had been spun long before her birth.

It’s been years since I teared up over a book. Rin’s journey in the trilogy is a trip through hell and back that culminates in a bittersweet, realistic ending.

Nonfiction

“A man recalled singing on the porch of his home when he was around six years old. His mother screamed at him not to make such ‘noise’ and he vowed he would stop. Years later in a required high school singing class, he was tongue-tied. When the instructor learned he was literally unable to sing, the boy was allowed to stand silent in the back row of the chorus all semester and given a passing grade. As an adult, the man would never risk singing, not even in the shower.

Inevitable in the socialization of all of us, from a young age we have internalized restraints against our impulses as well as developed expressions based on consequences of our behavior. What is often called guilt, then, is a reflexive reaction against the possibility that some other will be displeased, thereby activating the immense reservoir of emotion we all carry.

Most of us were conditioned to be nice rather than real, accommodating rather than authentic, adaptive rather than assertive. Guilt as a defense against a deeper angst reflects a lack of permission to be oneself. It is experienced as overwhelming precisely because it spawns from a great childhood vulnerability as a power that is never lost, residing and springing forth from the unconscious with paralyzing power. In these moments we forget that we have since become an adult who is perfectly capable of making decisions of value even at the displeasure of others.” (Paraphrased)

Video Game

“The hardest battles are fought in the mind, not with the sword.”

”So strange that we go to such lengths to bury dead, something so very ordinary, inevitable. It’s as if we conspire to hide death, because we have no answer for it.”

“Never forget what it is like to see the world as a child, Senua: where every autumn leaf is a work of art; every rolling cloud, a moving picture; every day a new story. We too emerge from this magic, like a wave from the ocean, only to return back to the sea. Do not mourn the waves, the leaves and the clouds. Because even in darkness the wonder and beauty of the world never leaves. It’s always there, just waiting to be seen again.”

This game is a one-of-a-kind journey into the mind of a girl set out to conquer her inner demons.

Travel

Pattaya, Thailand

In January, Checkmarx (my employer) flew the company to Pattaya to kick off the year. It was an interesting experience but frankly I’d rather not visit again. It’s dirty, every other person is out to scam you, and it’s also the unofficial prostitution capital of the world.

New York City, New York

I visited NYC at the end of February, just before lockdowns started in March. There, I skated in the famous Wollman Rink and the beautiful but lesser-known Rockefeller Rink. I also spent a night in a speakeasy trying Lindy Hop for the first time. My most memorable experience, however, was a boxing lesson in Brooklyn (just outside NYC), where the famous Gleason’s Gym resides.

Fort Worth Botanical Garden, TX

This is the third year in a row I’ve visited Ft. Worth. This year’s trip was a chance to catch up with my mom. We explored the Gardens, and the experience inspired me to add a Photography section to this website.

Springfield, MO -> Effingham, IL -> West Lafayette, IN -> Sesser, IL -> Alton, MO -> Camden, AR

I took a personal road trip to low-COVID-risk cities across the Midwest in July. The expedition lasted two weeks and involved driving, hiking, biking, skating, and spending time with a friend.

Financial Strategy

We are on the precipice of an exciting future: Renewable energy (ICLN), autonomous vehicles (IDRV), genomics healthcare (IDNA), and artificial intelligence (BOTZ). When investing, the main question I ask is:

What is almost certain to gain market share 10 years from now versus what will have lost market share? Evaluation examples:

1. Gas cars or electric cars
2. Oil or renewable energy
3. On-premise (data center) services or cloud services
4. 4G or 5G (yes, there are 5G-specific stocks)
5. In-person retail or online retail

Identifying these consumer patterns is enough to accrue serious gains if one invests within the next few years, but it’s also important to consider the ramifications of each consumer trend. For example, evaluation 5. Yes, that means Amazon is a sure winner, but take it further: What can’t one buy at Amazon? Homes. Loans. Insurance. Furniture. There’s lots of growth for new interesting companies in these changing consumer trends and there are more trends than what I listed above.

Notable stocks I have bets on as of December 2020:

• Tesla
• CRISPR Therapeutics
• Invitae
• Trimble
• Teledoc
• Advanced Micro Devices

It must be mentioned that risk goes both ways and I also stand to lose a lot, but I’m young enough to take my chances.

Hobbyist Markets

I rarely buy new anymore. As I continue to explore the Internet, I find more and more enthusiast markets. These are places filled with passionate hobbyists who buy new and then sell after a short time. Enthusiasts are particular, so often they sell for negligible reasons like preferring a different color or version.

Some notable deals I’ve acquired over the years:

• Oyama CXE8D Folding E-Bike. $1500 MSRP, purchased for $700. Included a rearview mirror accessory.
• Samsung Galaxy S10+ Unlocked, $1000 MSRP, purchased for $500 (including screen protector and case from original owner).
• Risport RF3 Pro Men’s Figure Skating Boots, $430 MSRP, purchased for $250. Worn by previous owner for one month, just long enough to break them in so I don’t have to.

Enthusiasts tend to buy accessories (screen protectors, cases, etc.) for everything, so these markets have massive value, though the great deals can be difficult to catch at times.

Time Value of Money

I bought a new car this year.

I usually don’t purchase the first edition of a new product. However, my previous car (a 2011 Buick Regal) was having maintenance problems every month, so I felt compelled to switch sooner than later.

My monthly payment is $310.35 for a loan time of six years. The interest APR on my loan is 5.39%, which is lower than the average annual return on the US stock market index. The mathematics behind time value of money checks out in favor of delaying payments here.

	Years	APR	Monthly Principal	Total Interest
Current Auto Loan	6	5.39%	$308.96	$3,284 (Paid)
Shorter Auto Loan	3	5.39%	$617.92	$1,622 (Paid)
US Stock Market	6	10%	$308.96	$6,360.66 (Gained)

The first row is my current auto loan. The second row is what I would pay in interest if I doubled my monthly principal payment and paid off the loan in half the time. The third row shows what happens if I keep my current loan and invest the equivalent monthly principal in the US stock market index. As you can see, my choice comes down to: Would I rather save ~50% in interest by paying the car off in half the time, or would I rather gain ~90% by investing?

Some say paying off a car early offers peace of mind, but there is little peace of mind to me when I stand to gain roughly double in interest through investing. Understanding compound interest keeps me from being uncomfortable with debt.

Dating

I only went on a few dates this year. Due to the pandemic, I didn’t initiate much. However, I still put some thought into what I’m looking for.

Someone once told me “don’t date potential” and I believe there’s truth in that. I have a high preference for women who invest. Such women tend to have confident mindsets thanks to possessing a financial intelligence beyond “I have a budget.” In modern America, it is impossible to save your way to a higher socioeconomic class. It’s also incredible how much of a difference a person’s outlook is when they have actual, calculated plans for their financial future. Unfortunately, few women around my age seem to have financial intelligence (most just possess financial responsibility), so I’ve been mainly looking for mindsets that should eventually lead to investing.

There are other factors such as chemistry and values, but quantifying those can be a fruitless endeavor. The former is difficult to define while the latter is often poorly reasoned since differences in values can sometimes create an interesting complement.

All said, I wouldn’t mind if I never married. My life is incredible. But, it would be nice to meet someone who is so enjoyable to be around that I want to share things with her.

A Special Place

“In my restless dreams, I see that town.
Silent Hill.

You promised me you’d take me there again someday.
But you never did.

Well, I’m alone there now…
In our ‘special place’…
Waiting for you.”

– Mary’s letter to James, Silent Hill 2

At the start of Silent Hill 2, protagonist James Sutherland receives a letter from his wife Mary requesting he meet her at their ‘special place’, a town called Silent Hill. The issue is, Mary died of an illness three years ago. How, then, did James receive the letter?

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In late November, I was skating at The Crossover and talking to another figure skater during a break. In our conversation she mentioned she was exhausted, having already been at the rink for 5 hours. I asked why she didn’t go home. She said, “I feel happier here than when I’m talking to my therapist.” I realized then that the rink was her ‘special place’. Over time, it has become mine too.

Years ago, I went on a date with a quirky (but fun) girl. One of the questions she asked me was, “What do you consider to be your stomping grounds?” It threw me for a loop because no girl had ever asked me that before. I didn’t have a good answer so I fumbled a reply that I don’t remember. Looking back, I realize she was asking me if I had a ‘special place’.

It sounds romantic to have a ‘special place’ to go to, but if we look beyond the cheesy love stories, there are psychological benefits to having a place away from home where we selfishly divulge in another side of ourselves. For some people, it’s going to a park every few days to read or perhaps a nature walk in the evening. For others, it’s private time at Church. But whatever it is, I’ve come to realize it’s important to have one.

As for the girl, I didn’t give her a second date. She was hard-working, interesting, and memorable, but she didn’t have any hobbies except for super-introverted ones like reading. Still, I learned something from her, and from now on I will now ask on future dates, ‘When you need to escape, where do you go?’

Regrets

This is the first year I’ve written a regrets section. I have a few every year and it will be good for me to make note of them moving forward.

I had a pen pal for most of this year. I say had, because a few weeks ago I wrote things that made her upset. I hope she’s willing to forgive me at some point.

I had a hand in causing an aspiring adult skater to quit. I spent much of this year establishing friendships with other skaters at the rink. I tried to take one outside the rink but ultimately decided I didn’t want to be closer friends because our life philosophies clashed too much. She didn’t take me ending the friendship very well and stopped coming to the rink. When fallout like this happens, it sometimes results in one person leaving while the other stays. That’s what happened here, and I am sad my actions ultimately led to her decision to quit.

Someone once told me that when we don’t like something, we have to choose between telling “what we believe to be the truth” or “keeping the peace.” I believe the best approach is a middle ground, but I still need to learn the best ways to actually do that.

Purpose

I ended Twenty Seven with a story about the meaning of life, but this year I want to end with thoughts about my life purpose.

When people discuss nature vs. nurture, the discussion often biases toward nurture since that is more easily controlled and analyzed. But in my experiences with people of different backgrounds, I’ve learned nature plays a significant role. There is a reason why nearly every rock star documentary features the inevitable photo of its subject playing piano at a ridiculously young age, sometimes even before he/she could walk. Most successful entrepreneurs profited on lemonade stands at age five, sold burned CDs out of a backpack at fifteen, and already failed more times than most had tried by twenty-five. Even people like Leonard Cohen, who didn’t become a major known singer until fifty, studied music as a child, learned guitar at a young age, and had musically inclined parents.

Personally, I’ve always had an interest in creating things. As a child, I made board games that my friends would come over to play. I drew manga a lot. I constructed cities using paper, colored pencils, and tape. When my parents finally bought me Legos, I would use bricks and then switch back to paper when I ran out. As a teenager, I made custom websites and even Myspace layouts. In my early years as an adult, I taught myself programming and 3D modeling and jumped into game development. My desire to make things has never ceased.

Game development is one of my primary hobbies now. It is the culmination of every aspect of digital art into a medium meant to be experienced. How do you get people to empathize with a character who possibly dooms all of humanity? The Last of Us did that with its story. Want to be a space pirate in the far future? Elite: Dangerous offers such opportunity. Video games allow us to have experiences not possible in the real world. The medium is not limited to entertainment either – the applications of games for education, counseling, team-building, psychological healing, and more have not been explored. As time goes on, video games will have an increasing role in shaping our future.

When I was younger, I dreamed of running my own digital entertainment studio. Now that I’m older, I know it statistically doesn’t make sense to do so. The success rate of a digital entertainment startup is lower than most startups in general (and I did try it once but ran out of money). There’s an excellent talk from industry veterans about the mistakes new indie studios make (some of which I made), but as a hobbyist now I don’t need to worry about achieving so many sales-y things. I don’t need revenue to cover the cost of the game plus fund the next game, I don’t need to ‘dumb down’ mechanics to appeal to a wider audience, and I could care less about critics. I have the ability to build solely from my own passion, which is what most big studios wish they could do: Create whatever they want. As an artist, this is the ultimate dream, and I intend to never waste my creative opportunity as the years go by.

Me: “I’m starting three new things this year.”
Holly: “What are they?”
Me: “Volleyball, west coast swing, and ice skating.”
– conversation with a friend

I was not mentally prepared for this year. I’m not certain it’s possible to start three new journeys simultaneously (while maintaining old hobbies) without feeling overwhelmed from lack of headspace.

I’ve come to accept I am a slow learner because of my choices. I’m stretched thin and can’t keep up with those who’ve started around the same time. To this end, I’ve become adamant about seeking advice from nearly everyone to pick up bits of learning when I can. It’s opened a few doors for me.

Time is my greatest currency as I have a lot to spend. As one of my mentors once said, “If you want to get better at something, just do it a lot.” I’m still deciphering the discipline-motivation balance in a few skills, but overall I’m proud of my accomplishments this year.

Volleyball

Me: “Hey, I’m the free agent.”
Captain: “Cool, what position do you play?”
Me: “Uhh…”
– my first day with the Wednesday SSC team

The serve flew at my face like a missile. I didn’t have the proper volleyball reflexes so I threw up my hands to deflect the impact. My receive sent the ball spinning haphazardly out of bounds behind me – a quick point for the other team.

The server eyes me again. I back up, preparing for a deep hit. He sees the gap I created and serves the ball short. I scramble forward and barely make the receive in time, but mistakenly swing my arms upward upon contact. The ball flies over the net and the other team sets a play that earns them another point.

Teammate: “Lock your elbows and push with your legs. Don’t swing.”

The server looks at me again – round three of picking on the new guy. I step forward and drop low, ready to spring either forward or backward. In my mind I’m repeating a summarized version of my teammate’s advice: “Plant arms, push legs; plant arms, push legs…”

The serve came fast and over my head. I throw my hands up and push using my feet. My receive creates a spin straight up. Not optimal, but plenty of time for my setter to reach it in time and make a play. We score the point after a well-placed spike by one of the hitters.

– – –

That was eight months ago. I am more confident now in my receives. My sets are lacking, my serves are inconsistent, and my spiking is below average, but I’m slowly improving. I’ve started playing in monthly recreational tournaments in addition to weekly leagues and have also started playing pick-up at Hanover’s Pflugerville every other Sunday. I enjoy the sport, the community (probably the most welcoming / friendly in Austin), and the amazing feeling of coordinated teamwork.

(Note: I will be taking an excursion to play in the NAKID Thursday Winter league in 2020. For those who don’t know, I played kickball in Austin for ~2.5 years before switching to volleyball. I intend to return to kickball for only one season next year.)

West Coast Swing

I’ve always wanted to learn at least one dance in my life. After browsing YouTube and talking to a friend who does Blues, West Coast Swing seemed like the perfect fit.

Growing up, dance (even grooving to music) was not a part of my family, so this has been a step into intimidating territory. I’m aware of how un-smooth many of my motions are and it’s driven me to pursue technique over other areas such as patterns and musicality.

“Your steps are fabricated.”
– Gary McIntyre

Champions have a pushing step I’m still learning to replicate. It’s a source of frustration because I’m a kinesthetic learner but I can’t jump into a champion’s body to feel what they experience. I’m making slow progress by drilling with resistance bands at home, but I’ve struggled to find a motivation loop to be more consistent.

I’ve taken private lessons from nearly everyone in the local scene and have noted how they teach and what resonates with me. I’ve also tried WestiePro for analysis and JTSwing online classes to learn some patterns. However, I believe my current struggle is deeply fundamental. When I hear music, I get stuck in my head. WCS is a dance offering lots of space to fill with personality, and most WCS dancers have prior experience in another style. If I can address that issue by training in a freeform dance like Hip Hop, I might not feel as stagnant when hearing music.

In Q1 2020, I intend to take a chaotic journey into non-WCS dances to test that theory. I will not be signing up for another season of JT Swing, though I will be taking private lessons to convert some of the routine moves into socially leadable ones. I originally signed up for the team because my intuition told me I’d regret it if I didn’t. Looking back, I’m glad I did, even if my transition to a new job led me to miss many of the later practices.

Ice Skating / Roller Skating

There are few activities in the world that feel like ice skating. Most movements we do in life are variations of normal human motion. Ice skating is unnatural, with stops, spins, and turns at nearly instantaneous speed – all physical impossibilities unless you’re on a sharp edge over ice (or you happen to be an elite supersoldier fighting aliens on a rimworld).

Many of us in adulthood are deathly afraid of failing in front of a massive crowd. Skating helps overcome that fear because we often practice during public sessions. We show up, try a move, stumble, get back up, and repeat over and over in front of others. It builds a powerful resolve for mastery.

Ice skating is also one of the best cardio workouts out there. Most skaters are in the best shape of their lives, possessing great strength, balance, and flexibility. I love a good workout that doesn’t feel like one and going to the rink never ceases to make me feel amazing.

Roller skating happens to be close enough to ice skating that I’ve also taken it up as an occasional hobby.

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Compared to ice skating, which is technical with a structured learning path defined by Learn To Skate USA, roller skating feels like the Wild West. I find this fascinating because many ice skating techniques can be transferred to roller skates, yet the path to learning how to master quads is haphazard and everyone has different ideas on how to teach beginners.

Both ice skating and roller skating have a long ramp-up time: You first have to learn to skate before you can specialize. The options, however, are comparable:

I am interested in the bottom for both, though only recreationally.

For learning, I take ice skating private and group lessons at Chaparral Ice and practice roller skating with members of CIB Austin.

Digital Imaginations

I’m featured in GameDevTV’s first podcast of 2020 where I talk about my digital journey.

Sizzle (Recipe management app)

This year I refactored Sizzle to use a redux architecture (ngrx/store). There have been no other new developments and I do not intend to finish this app. At its core, it is a just a gallery frontpage and user profile system with CRUD connectivity to a NoSQL database (Google Firestore). It can be easily repurposed into another type of app if I want to make a SPA in the future.

Slipspace (2D space shooter)

I started Slipspace in 2015 as a side project to prevent burnout on Zems, my main project. I’ve documented what I’ve learned in a previous post. Ultimately, this project has suffered from a lack of direction in both the gameplay and code architecture. I will not be working on it anymore, though I may reboot the project in the future with a clearer vision.

Viviid (Stylized open-world environment kitbash)

At the start of November, I acquired a Nintendo Switch and spent ~10 hours running around The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild to study the environment. 7 weeks later and I’ve created an inspired world. I plan to dive deeper into environment design in 2020.

Zems (Tactical online card game)

I learned a lot about level design workflow this year. At the beginning of 2019, I was employing an iterative approach. After a few frustrating trials my 3D modeler mentioned I should be following the tried-and-true process of hiring a concept artist. He was right – it’s been much faster iterating and modeling based on a concept rather than trying ideas as they come.

In 2020 we will finish the new level plus codebase refactors to hopefully get the project momentum underway again.

3D Modeling

I started the year learning how to make realistic and procedural space renders. Eventually, I got exhausted of fighting with numbers so I switched to low poly. Truth be told, I’m not a fan of traditional low poly – it seems every indie developer uses it nowadays. At some point I will relegate “hard surface first” to the backburner and hop onto the sculpting workflow. Probably not in 2020 though. Someday.

Health & Fitness

I started working with a personal trainer in September. I weighed 137.8 lbs, struggled to do 2 pull-ups, and got exhausted quickly. I now weigh ~150 lbs, can do 20 pull-ups (half extension) and roughly 13 with full extension. I hope to hit 160 lbs at some point in 2020.

I don’t cook anymore except on rare occasions. I subscribe to SnapKitchen for weekday meals. On weekends I treat myself to my favorite dish: poke. I monitor my macro-nutrient intake using MyFitnessPal. I’m not religious about it though – if I eat exactly the same foods as yesterday, I’ll skip logging that day.

I need to get better about sleep. I get adequate sleep roughly 50% of my days, relying on naps for the others. There have been over a dozen weeks this year where I felt exhausted earlier than I am used to. When I get adequate sleep, food and exercise, I feel limitless. I want more days like that.

Future Interests

Drone Racing

My desire to enter drone racing stems from reaching limits during travel and wishing I could pull a drone from my pack and take off. To fly like in the video requires a custom build with two camera relays and great piloting skill. Racing would be a great way to get into both.

Singing

I took singing lessons for ~4 months this year before my instructor’s rates shot through the roof and I couldn’t afford them anymore. Nowadays I sing in my car and at home, though I do try to practice the way my instructor taught me when the song goes out of range. Maybe someday I’ll find a new instructor who is affordable and start lessons again.

Table Tennis

Like bowling, once I learn how to consistently curve I won’t ever struggle finding motivation to practice this activity. Easy hobby for me to want to train and eventually become good at. I will take lessons at SPIN at some point in 2020.

Entertainment

I watched 52 movies this year, read 3 books (an all-time low for me), and watched 4 TV shows. I’ve absorbed a lot of creative content and gained insight into parts of life I’ve never known before – stripper lifestyles, rap battle culture, and managing a family of shoplifters. My curiosity is expanding rapidly.

What’s the best movie I watched this year?

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse is not a typical superhero movie. The trailer doesn’t do it justice either. The film has the most unique visual style of any animated movie (each frame painted over) and features clever writing that goes deep into the bonds that unite and break relationships. In many ways it’s a movie about believing yourself and trusting others. Go see it if you haven’t!

The movie I’m looking forward to the most in 2020?

A lot of Westerners are clamoring for a live-action remake of the animated classic, but Disney already tried that with The Lion King to mixed results. In addition, Mushu in the animated version was offensive to people familiar with Chinese mythology. This live-action film, based on the trailer, seems to pay better homage to Chinese ideas of magic (transformation, short-term flight, etc.) while also being closer to the historical story of Mulan. I’m looking forward to it.

Best fiction novel I read in 2019?

The Poppy War starts like a YA (Young Adult) novel, but dives deep into politics, human relationships, difficult decisions, and both Chinese history and mythology. The genre is historical fiction / fantasy, and the timeline is based on real events during the opium wars of China. A lot of the ideas and images lingered in my mind for months and they’re partly the reason I didn’t read many books this year.

Best TV show?

Psycho Pass captivated me in 2012 with villains comparable to The Joker and an ensemble of protagonists who each had their own ideas about justice (with plenty of philosophical discussion). Season 2 (2015) was considered a letdown to many fans, but Season 3 (2019) is a return to form. Starting with a breakdown of how the 2008 financial collapse happened and how certain (fictional) politicians set themselves up to profit, the show follows a new pair of protagonists as they unravel a grander conspiracy.

Favorite new board game of the year?

The base game released in 2018, but the expansion arrived this year and that’s when I picked up both. I love games where you figure out who else is on your team and then coordinate to eliminate everyone else. The novelty in Human Punishment is that players can switch allegiances (often not by choice), breaking up the monotony that ensues when one side gains the upper hand. I love it.

(Note: Rising Sun is still my overall favorite board game. I just wanted to mention one of my new favorites released this year.)

Most memorable video game, even though it came out years earlier?

“And then the archangel showed a vision… a city lighter than air. I asked her, “Why do you show this to me, archangel? I am not a strong man, I am not a righteous man, I am not a holy man.” And she told me the most remarkable thing: “You’re right, prophet, but if grace is within the grasp of one such as you, how can anyone else not see it within themselves?”

“And the Lord saw the wickedness of man was great and he repented that he had made man on the earth. Rain, forty days and forty nights of the stuff, and he left not a thing that walked alive. You see my friends, even God is entitled to a do-over, and what is Columbia if not another ark for another time?”

Dating

Rachel: “When you say low carb, does that mean you do keto?”
Me: “No, but my body probably goes into ketosis since I’m pretty active.”
Rachel: “That’s such an eye-roll statement.” *Rolls eyes* “I’m so active my body goes into ketosis.”
Me: “Hahaha, it’s probably true though!”
– excerpt from my last date

A girl stalked me this year. Every time I RSVP’d to a board game meetup she would show up, and she made an obvious effort to always play in the same game as me. I’m flattered, though I prefer more traditional indicators of interest.

I discarded one my prejudices this year. I used to think girls who like to drink and get tipsy were full of dumb life choices. But a few ‘why not’ first dates made me realize some of these women are doctors, managers, and lawyers. They are capable of logical thinking, decisionmaking, and lively conversation even if they struggle to make yes or no decisions after having a few drinks to de-stress.

I form the strongest bonds with witty, open-minded people who are down for anything. I love spending time with optimistic extroverts whose personalities bounce back and forth with mine. People who ride the line between intro- and extro- (like myself) are also fun. Hyper-introverts, while capable of playfulness once they leave their shells, often lack chemistry with me.

I don’t use apps anymore. I love talking to people at volleyball games, dances, and skating rinks, and usually not with the intention of dating. Many of my spontaneous adventures this year (plus inclusion into various social circles) have spawned from starting conversations with strangers. Dates are just cherry on top, and I can be picky with women because my life feels fulfilling without them.

Nero

My dog died this year. I’ve had him since middle school, though I wasn’t with him in his later years due to college and then moving to Austin where I didn’t want to bring him since he wouldn’t have a large backyard.

I have a lot of memories with Nero, from a tough period as an early teenager where I was mean to a lot of people (including him), to running miles with him as part of cross country training, to a few serene moments where dad (who was dying), me, and Nero would all sit outside together to enjoy the calm outdoors. I miss him a lot.

Travel

Oklahoma (home)

Oklahoma has made some wonderful additions since I graduated high school. Many new venues have sprung up so it doesn’t seem like empty country anymore. I frequently visit on holidays and I’m excited to see how it changes over the next decade.

Chicago, IL

There are at least five flights from Austin to Chicago every day. A round trip costs ~$100. I enjoyed the food (especially Alinea), skyline, running and biking alongside the Great Lake, and seeing Canada for the first time. I will visit again in the coming decade.

Charleston, SC

Charleston is the most beautiful city I visited this year. It’s also one of the few places where I’m willing to eat shrimp, as the ‘shrimp n grits’ staple is fresh and delicious. Unfortunately, there isn’t much to do there besides explore and eat, so I don’t intend to visit again.

Phoenix, AZ

Phoenix’s architecture spoke to me the most out of the cities I visited. The blocky style with contrasting colors and clean streets reminds me of minimalism. I’m a sucker for contrast and sharp lines. I will visit again for ESS Camp.

Forth Worth, TX

Fort Worth has a lot of embedded history. From random sculptures on the sides of buildings to its chaotic mix of architecture from past and present, there’s a lot to ponder. Unfortunately, I don’t intend to return – the city’s vibe just doesn’t appeal to me.

Perspective

Sometimes I feel like the worst dancer on the social floor, and sometimes I am the worst volleyball player on the court. I can usually get past these facts by being objective – If I suck, then I suck, and that is just how things are at that moment. Any anxiety I feel is purely in my head, and recognizing this has helped me feel at ease.

I’ve unfollowed most people on social media. Posting to rake in the likes has only made me feel pity for people – the cognitive dissonance developed from playing a disingenuous game is a sign of deep inner loneliness. Instead of devoting brainpower and time to social media, I try to spend more time with others in person and be more mindful of the moment. I’m happier for it.

The Meaning of Life

A man wanders the streets of St. Petersburg on a gloomy night. Dwelling on how others have ridiculed him all his life, he slips into nihilism believing nothing matters. A few months earlier he purchased a revolver with the intention of suicide, but at present the gun remained unused in his drawer. As he stares at the night sky, a little girl of about eight, wearing ragged clothes and obviously in distress, suddenly grabs him by the arm and begs for help. But the man, disenchanted with life, shoos her away and returns to his squalid home.

As he sinks into his chair and ponders the end of life, he finds himself haunted by the image of the little girl, leading him to question his nihilistic disposition. He knew for certain he would shoot himself that night, but how long he would sit by the table and think about her, he did not know. Why did he not help the girl? He had made the decision earlier that he would put an end to himself tonight, therefore everything in the world should be the same to him. But it was not, and he could not take his life until he figured out why.